You’re looking for information on James Lepore. You’ve come to the right place. I was born on November 5th, 1986. It was a Wednesday. Family trees are incredibly complex, miraculous things. Some of my blood arrived in Jamestown before the revolution and some of my blood had immigrated just before the turn of 20th century. Curiously both of my parents had one parent who was the child of immigrants. Hungary and Portugal, but my DNA results show that I am more Germanic than my sour kraut step-dad. I learned to be self-sufficient and how to get what I needed at a young age. I was bright in school and didn’t cause trouble but I kept secrets. Secrets about what I had discovered on the internet. My secrets made me sick.
It’s really no surprise that life is full of trials or that I would struggle with addiction to various substances that I used to make myself feel better. Just look at my family tree, so many shining ornaments and plenty of sour grapes. As long as I continued to avoid the trauma of neglect that I had suffered as a child I remained a child. My life looked like a fairytale; I could have anything I wanted if I just talked to the right people and said the right things and took the required steps. I could see the patterns in people and my happiness had become linked to their approval. That’s no happiness at all of course and I numbed the pain on my insides with things from the outside as best as I could without diving into any abyss which would cause my facades and personas to crack open.
There I was. Where was I? The beast of ego which I had never done the work to tame was in charge. An irrational and selfish animal had bound my soul and taken over my life. This was the moment I looked into the abyss and saw that there was no bottom. Fear for the first time worked to my advantage and just as it was foretold the Truth set me free.
There is an ancient power in our nature. We are driven to shield ourselves from pain and acquire pleasure. It’s not something we can destroy or get rid of, it’s not something inherently evil. The moment we start thinking we can control it we have already been mastered by its subtle game. It cannot be controlled.
I live according to the will of a higher power, my God. I am free from the cares of what other people think and I don’t need their approval. I only need God’s approval. I am free from the pressures of relying on myself for everything. God provides all I need. I am still tearing down my walls, throwing off my masks, and learning to live as myself, but already the relationships in my life have become fulfilling in a way I’ve never known.
Still, some things never change. I’m curating an unexpected playlist of YouTube videos. Considering you can learn nearly everything there is to know from educational or documentary videos on the internet I’m using this medium to tell a story. Check it out at lepore.cloud and join the conversation on Twitter.